Following Directions: Real Life Feedback and Edits for The Shifter

I'm going to do something a little fun today, since yesterday was all about how to critique. I've dug back into my files and pulled up the very first draft of The Shifter (back when it was still The Pain Merchants). I'll use excerpts from the draft, and the critique comments I got back from my crit group, and show what they said, what I did, and explain why I found the comment helpful. Hopefully this will shed light on what to look for in your own revisions, and things to think about when you revise. (and how to handle critiques)

The feedback is in red. My comments are in purple.

First Draft Version:

I froze. The chicken **[spooked. Her scaly...] didn’t. Now spooked, her scaly feet flailed above the eggs that should have been my breakfast. This one is a pretty easy change to make. Cutting "now spooked" eliminates a bit of telling (I'm explaining the chicken's motivation for flailing) and tightens up the line as a whole.

You Know What Your Problem Is? How to Critique

I know a lot of writers and I've been involved in a lot of critique groups. I've been pretty lucky, and just about all my experiences have been positive and helpful, which isn't always the case.

We've all seen the great articles about how to be a good critiquer and how to say things in the most diplomatic and helpful way, but if you're new to critiquing, it can be tough knowing what to look for when you read.

Before I start a critique, I like to know what kind of crit the writer is looking for and what stage the piece is in. Understanding what the writer needs goes a long way to being helpful. A rough first draft will get a different read than a polished "about to be sent out" draft.

Everyone has their own way, but this is mine:

And the Winner Is...

The winner of the totally random "leave a comment and win" contest for Aprilynne Pike's Illusions is...

-drumroll please-


Elanor Lawrence!

Grats to Elanor, and just email me your contact info so we can get that book out to you. janice (at) janicehardy (dot) com.

There will be more giveaways as How The Do It Tuesdays continue. Plus, I have a wall full of random books I think I'll start giving away (I need to make space for new books, ya know), so look for some silly contests in the next week or two.

Double Jeopardy: Hooking the Reader's Brains and Heart

Grand dame author Chelsea Quinn Yarbro* hit the nail on the head when she said:

There are two hooks that need to be felt for the reader to really buy into the story. The intellectual hook, and the emotional hook.

She went on to explain (I'm paraphrasing here) that the intellectual hook is the plot stuff. The things we want to know because an interesting question has been raised. The emotional hook is the stuff we need to know. The things that we've become emotionally invested in and what to see how it turns out.

If these two things aren't in the first fifth of the novel, then odds are you won't hold on to your reader. You might keep them reading, because one or the other is compelling enough in their own right, but you won't get them the same way. They won't be thinking about your book long after they've finished it. Or talking about it with everyone they know.

All the World's a Stage: The Stages of a Writer

One of the reasons I like to talk about my experiences in the publishing journey is because when I was starting out I was curious about it (still am) and enjoyed hearing what others had gone through. I figured if I understood the challenges, I'd be better prepared to overcome them. I still feel that way and strive to learn more about the biz as I journey through it.

I've read a few articles recently where agents/editors have talked about the vast amount of information out on the web concerning publishing, and how easy it is for someone to write and submit. And how this ease is putting writers out there far sooner than they might have tried if all this information and technology didn't exist. Computers alone have raised the amount of queries tenfold. Someone who would never take the time to type out 60,000 words perfectly on a typewriter, might have no problem typing out 120,000 words on a computer, where editing is simple.

Noteworthy Links: The Writer's International Culture Share

Juliette Wade has started something kinda cool. She's gathering articles from writers (and people) all over the world to talk about their cultures so writers can get a glimpse into another way of life. Articles on different religions and their practices, folklore, and cultural practices.

Let's let her tell you more about it...

The Writer's International Culture Share
What if there were a place on the web where writers from all over the world - including the US - could share folklore, local culture, religious stories and details of daily life that would be difficult or nearly impossible to discover through ordinary web research avenues?

This is that place.

Our articles are listed in three categories: Folklore, Religion, and Cultural Practices. The newest entry combines all three, and is placed in all three for that reason. You can use the index below, or (as we grow) use the search bar with the category and country you are looking for.

With your help, our budding collection can become bigger and better!

Read the full post here.

Room With a (Point of) View

The first thing that probably pops into your mind when I say point of view, is the general first person, third limited, or third omniscient. But it's so much more than that. POV is one of the most powerful tools in your writer's toolbox. How a character sees something (and what they think about what they see) varies wildly between characters, and those perceptions allow you to create fully developed characters and plots to go with them.

POV lets you show how someone feels about something. Show ten random people the same image, and you'll likely get ten different opinions. They all have a different point of view on the subject. Even something as simple as "the" can change how a sentence is perceived.

Bob shot at the zombie with the red shirt.

Bob shot at a zombie with a red shirt.

Notice how "the" in the first example implies that Bob has picked a specific zombie, and not just shooting willy nilly. Like he knows this zombie in some way.

Let's check in with Bob for some more examples...

One the Road and Talking About Middles

I'm taking over for Sierra Godfrey today while she's on maternity leave. Since I did the inciting event last time I was there, were thought it would be fun to talk about middles this time. (Next time I bet it's endings. Nice symmetry) So pop on over to read about the mistakes we make with them, and how to fix those mistakes.

Whoa, That’s Tense. Raising the Tension in Your Scenes

My husband and I recently watched the movie Sanctum, and I really admired the way the director kept the tension high all the way through the movie. Part of the reason why it got to me so well, is because it takes place in a cave, and many of the scenes are underwater. Even though I’ve never been cave diving (the hubby has), I have dived wrecks with confined spaces, so the setting was familiar to us. We both know how dangerous cave diving is, and how many things can go wrong and kill you. There were quite a few things from this movie that would translate well into raising the tension in a story.

Guest Author Aprilynne Pike: How to Write a Book

Today I'd like to welcome YA author Aprilynne Pike to the blog. Aprilynne is the #1 New York Times best-selling debut author of the YA fantasy romance Laurel Series. Wings, is the first of four books about a seemingly ordinary girl with a not-so-ordinary destiny. The story continues with Spells, and today's new release, Illusions. Her take on faeries is pretty darn cool. She's going to chat with us about writing a book (which sounds so much easier than it really is).

One lucky commenter chosen by the magic random number generator will win a copy of Illusions! All you have to do is comment. If you want, tell us your favorite faerie. ETA: Drawing held Friday at 11am EST.

Take it away Aprilynne..

Let’s Start at the Very Beginning

I think I speak for every author when I say that the most common question I get from readers is some variation of How do you write a book? My answer is an extremely simplistic one: I start at the beginning, and I write to the end. But really, it’s an important part of my process!

The very first book that I finished—let’s call it High Fantasy of Beginnerness—I started writing at the beginning of the story and then I got into the part I like to call The Slog! (Yes, that is a technical term.;)) That’s the part of the drafting process where the work really starts. The idea is not quite as shiny and new as it was in the beginning, your characters may have started to rebel, and your subplots are starting to get unruly and tangled (as they are supposed to do!). This is the point at which a lot of aspiring authors give up. I know I did with the first novel that I attempted to write. *koffkoff* Romance Novel of N00bness *koffkoff*

Win Cool Stuff at the Brenda Novak Online Auction for Diabetes Research

Every year, author Brenda Novak holds a month-long online auction to benefit diabetes research. Folks donated all kinds of great things, and she raised over $300,000 last year. That's some pretty amazing stuff for a good cause.

From May 1 -31, you can bid on this year's batch of goodies. I donated an autographed copy of both the hardcover THE SHIFTER and BLUE FIRE, and a critique of the first chapter of a novel (any genre), and you can find my auction here if you'd like to bid on it.

If you already have the books and don't need a critique right now, there are four pages of other good things worth bidding on. Here's a quick rundown on some of them:

Interview: I'm Rambling On at Literary Rambles

I'm on the road today with an interview by our very own Natalie Aquirre. For those who don't know, she's started blogging over at Literary Rambles and has been interviewing some very cool folks in the book biz. I'm delighted and flattered to be included in her lineup.

Come on over and say hello!

Today I’m interviewing Janice Hardy. THE SHIFTER, the first book in The Healing Wars series came out in 2009 and BLUE FIRE, the second book, was released in October, 2010. The final book in the series, DARKFALL, will be released October 4, 2011.

THE SHIFTER is one of those books that I totally had to read from the cover alone. Don't you just love it? I remember seeing it advertised on PW Children’s Bookshelf. I didn’t know anything about Janice or her agent, but I knew I had to read that book. And I was so glad I did.

Baby You Can Drive My Plot: Narrative Drive

It's not an uncommon situation: You have your book, it's well written, the story is good, but for some reason the plot is just laying there, and you don't know what to do to make it better. This probably describes a fair number of first drafts.

Knowing a book isn't working and not knowing why can be horribly frustrating. I've had my share of flat stories, and I've found that when things aren't clicking, it's usually one of two things -- lack of narrative drive or lack of stakes. Often a blend of the two, since they're very connected.

What Happens After You Sell Your Novel, Part Two

Yesterday we did the first half of  what happens after you sell your novel, which got us up to galley proofs. Let's pick up there.

Galley proofs can be anything from the final layout (the look of the printed book) on regular copy paper clipped together, or Advanced Reader Copies or ARCs. ARCs can be anything from a simple bound book with a plain cover, to looking like a trade paperback with real cover art and everything.

My galley for The Shifter turned out to be a gorgeous ARC that looked like a trade paperback novel. I got a box of them and started screaming, way excited to be holding MY book in MY hands. It was actually more exciting to get the ARCs than the actual printed book since it was the first time I ever saw it in book form.